The Perfect Teacher: Reflections

We have been encouraged on multiple occasions to put our own spin on the blog entries, to write freely and as we see fit. While there are doubtless many qualities that would define the perfect teacher in a very traditional sense (well informed, caring, innovative, creativity, etc), I thought I'd take this opportunity to describe the kind of person I would most like to learn from. I give you the Golsanian Archetype, in list form...

1. This teacher is a woman, and she is hot. Not ridiculous, Van Halen video "Hot For Teacher" hot, but she needs to be the alpha-Hot in the room, enough so that there's no risk that I'll be distracted by other girls, daydreams, etc. You can't learn if you aren't paying attention.

2. Said teacher should be all about field trips. I'm not talking about the weak excursions my kindergarten class took, either. Today's lesson is Physics? Class goes sky diving. Lecture on free writing? Class goes to Tom Clancy's house, where the teacher has arranged for him to give you money. Social Studies? Take Tom Clancy's money and practice human interaction in Las Vegas. FIELD TRIPS.

3. Teacher's family owns delicatessen that caters during class every day. I learn best with a thick salami-on-rye* in front of me, sided by a tall coke and a bag of chips. This practice would encourage attendance, and if this woman were allowed to teach graduate studies, prevent us from starving at the end of the month when our money runs out.

*Deli should offer kosher and vegan/vegetarian options for students who have made alternative lifestyle choices when it comes to food

4. Beer. She should have beer for everyone. Always.

5. The teacher should be supportive of any and all student projects. If I want my final paper to be a 20 page narrative on a pick up basketball game I played last week in which I falsely describe my own dominance, that should be okay.

6. If I want to write a self indulgent and slightly sexist blog for her class, she would be okay with that, too.

7. This woman should be a wealth of knowledge, almost a robot. You know what's quicker than research? Asking your teacher to explain the nuances of Lacanian psychological theory. It troubles me for my own sake that this quality fell all the way to number seven.

8. Charisma is vital. I had some magnetic teachers college, but this woman comes complete with the smooth stylings of our President Elect, Barrack Obama. Again, this ties back to helping the students pay attention to her.

9. A healthy respect for not only religious holidays but sporting holidays as well. I'm talking about a teacher who will cancel class in March because the NCAA tournament is on. I understand this actually happens in parts of North Carolina; my parents went to school there. Perhaps this dream teacher exists on the East coast.

10. And finally, she gives A's for effort.

ALTERNATIVELY:

Drs. Rickly and Baake (wink wink nudge nudge)!

Please don't throw me out of graduate school. It's the end of the semester, I'm stressed, and this was fun to write.